I’m working on a new post that includes Alicia Keys, sobbing, and a bottle of Pinot Grigio. But as most of my posts here do, this one is taking a lot of thinking and deleting and re-writing and it’s just not ready for prime time yet.
In the meanwhile, I’d love for you to head over to Babble.com to read my latest essay, The Hardest Job in the World? Motherhood’s tough, but let’s not kid ourselves. Then come back over and tell me what you think. Do you view motherhood as a job? Is it the hardest in the world? Like me, do you think of it as a relationship more than a job? And do you think we, as moms, could stand to look at our day-to-day lives with a little more perspective?
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
i enjoyed your article about the toughest job, and i have always thought similarly. yes, i have a very active boy who drives me nuts, but i am very fortunate that taking care of him is what i do. it is worlds easier than many, many manual labor and retail jobs. i have worked retail before and i much prefer the company of my sometimes difficult son to that of the general public. i am very grateful for this role, and every time i go into a store, i think about how thankful i am to be a SAHM. i am a feminist, and i want all of women’s work to be valued. while i don’t consider my “job” as a SAHM to be a job, really, i think that being a mother is one of the most important things a person can be in this world. i take the actions i do in my role as a mother as seriously as a world leader would would take her actions in her job.
I think the reason people think of parenthood as a “tough job” is because of the many unknowns. In my paid job I have a clear set of expectations and responsibilities set out. But at home, each day has the potential to bring something completely out of left field that I will have to quickly become an expert on (or pretend to be one.) Sometimes the unknown makes it seem tougher than it acutally turns out to be.
I loved the article and surprised (although I suppose I shouldn’t be) at some of the comments. It sometimes seems like there are people just lurking online waiting for the next article to even think about mentioning motherhood so they can jump on the comments and complain about what you wrote.
I think the motherhood/job issue is just about attitude. There are tons of analogies to be drawn and valid arguments about whether or not it is harder than any given job. But I agree with your point that we all need to give ourselves a break and that is sure easier to do when we aren’t thinking of our children in terms of employment.
I think the thing that is different, and maybe sometimes tougher, about being a mom vs. other “jobs” is that you cannot opt out because you need a break. It is 365/7/24. But I agree, the joy and rewards make it hard to compare to other “work”. I think the reason many people make the analogy is because being a mom makes other (paid) work difficult to do at the levels often expected in our society in terms of hours, yet people often devalue it. When I returned to (paid) work after nearly a year at home, in some ways it felt like a vacation because of the autonomy and predictability, although I missed her desperately (and still do sometimes). But I work in an office, not a strawberry field or Walmart.
I found your blog through the Babble article and wanted to tell you how much I love it. Most mommy blogs make me feel anxious and stressed, but I actually feel calmer after reading yours. It’s so great to find a blogger with a mothering POV similar to my own (i.e. don’t sweat the small stuff)
I read the article and the comments: I was so happy to hear that I am not the only one who feels this isn’t the hardest job ever. I always felt like I must have been doing something wrong, or not doing something at all, when I was told “of course your tired, you have a toddler to run after” or “I know how busy it is with two young kids”. I would think about my days spent not needing to chase my kids and having a wonderful, easy time of my days. It is great to read about moms who take things as they come and not worry too soon.
I just read your article and I loved it! I’ve thought this so many times myself. There are challenges, but there are challenges with almost everything that you do and I never viewed motherhood as a job, it just doesn’t feel like one to me. Motherhood is my life, but I don’t have a boss and I don’t have to write a report for it.
I do have to say that I am a stepmother and helping raise triplet boys is one of the most difficult things that I’ve ever done. No job, no chore, no life experience can compare for what I got myself into when I married my husband. They require me to give of myself in ways that I didn’t know I was capable of giving and I know that I’m a better person for it, but it definitely has presented challenges.
I think as the children get older, raising a child becomes more work not in a negative way but in a meaningful way. For a while it is kind of like happy babysitting, but then it is clear that you are shaping a healthy mind as well. It takes more thought to answer the questions I get asked by my 6 year old than a 4 year old. I don’t want to repeat what my parents did so I try to think what would have been a good answer for me when I was young and try to do the same for my child. I think there are a lot of levels of responsibility that just go unseen by those around. If the goal is a child with a healthy mind and body then yes, I think it requires the same long term thinking of somebody running a company.