I admit it: I’m a cockeyed optimist.
I’m also a realist, so it’s not as though I expect money to start falling out of the sky or all my troubles to disappear at any given moment. It’s more that I know that in spite of troubles persisting forever and a zero chance of cash precipitation, things will still be more or less okay. When there are two equally as likely options: one for things to go well, and one for things to go badly, I generally assume or at least hold out hope that they’ll go well.
But what if you’re naturally pessimistic? Can pessimists be happy? I believe so. Optimism and pessimism aren’t feelings; they’re differences in expectations. Why would somebody who always believed that the worst was going to happen and was pleasantly surprised 50% of the time be any less likely to be happy than somebody (like me) who always believed the best was going to happen and was disappointed 50% of the time? Seems like both the optimist and pessimist have equal opportunity for satisfaction and dissatisfaction.
I like what GuruStu has to say about pessimism and optimism: “A Pessimist is not a Downer, just as an Optimist is not a Dreamer. Both just see the world differently. They expect different outcomes.” He has some great tips on how pessimists can avoid happiness pitfalls and learn to be happier.
Where it can be tricky is the way pessimists and optimists interact with each other, as Diary of a New Mom points out (she also gives some great tips for learning to be a happier pessimist as well). I know what she’s talking about, only from the opposite perspective. My husband is much more of a pessimist than I am, and sometimes his dreary predictions actually make me feel physically uncomfortable. I get anxious because his view is so much more negative than mine, and start second-guessing my own cheery expectations. Likewise, my “Oh, everything will be all right” optimism sometimes drives him crazy, and I know that he feels that his (very real) concerns are sometimes glossed over or downright invalidated by those of us who have our rose-colored glasses on. The good news is that after nearly 12 years of marriage, we’ve learned to each allow each other the space to express negative or positive expectations without letting it get to us. After a while in any new situation, my enthusiasm fades a bit, his anxiety eases, and we meet in the middle, both more or less satisfied with reality.
And that’s what’s important, isn’t it? Because no matter whether you expect things to turn out perfectly or to be a huge disaster, you can’t live in your expectations…you can only live in reality. And dealing with reality–whatever it is–is really the key to happiness.
Are you an optimist or a pessimist? Do you think this affects your potential for happiness?
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Meagan,
Hey there. I”m glad I happened upon this post this morning. I’ve been thinking a lot about pessimism and optimism lately. Have come to realize that I”m no longer the pessimist I once was. I always identified so strongly with my father, who was a terrific pessimist, and so I figured myself to be the same. But in really thinking about it I have found that these three children have truly turned me into an optimist. I expect the best from a situation. And, while realistic, my mind envisions everything working out smoothly in the end. Optimist, Pessimist, whatever. Happiness? Most important. I like the idea of this site.
Sarah’s last blog post..Mothering Three: Do you see yourself out there anywhere?
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