Comments on: does venting make moms feel better?

By: carolina

carolina — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 15:22:25 +0000

I can agree with you for the most part, and definitly well expressed,you obviously have alot of experience to say it so mater-of-factly. But there are those of us that have a more difficult time just “letting go”and being more optomistic. some people live in the momment, and feel as though the hard times will never seize, so for those moms out there that do have a harder time…
I have three kids myself,son is 6,daughter is 3 and baby girl is 7 months. I never imagined how hard it would be not knowing what having the children so close in age might do to me, but its stressful! i commend all of you that can do it, but i have very difficult times and i get depressed, i want to cry for little things all the time,but i realize and tell myself that my kids are watching me,and i then see my mother in myself, i dont want to emotionally scar my children, so i literally FORCE myself to do something “I ENJOY” doing, without the guilt of taking the little one along for the trip, the will servive, they will be happy when momm is happy. SO…do whats fun for you, and FORCE IT OUT!! because not all of us a wired to just let go so easily

By: Debra

Debra — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 14:01:57 +0000

So true! Thanks for the inspiration. I find myself again and again struggling to go complaint free for these very reasons.

By: hlf

hlf — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 15:40:54 +0000

thank you so much for saying what i’ve been dying to read for a while now. i am 23 weeks pregnant with my first child and have come across so many articles, posts and ‘advice’ from friends about how being a mom is pure drudgery with perhaps a little joy sprinkled in here and there. since i am not yet a mother, just a peaceful and happy (not blissful) pregnant lady i feel i am in no position to make any claims about motherhood, but i’d like to believe that i wouldn’t have planned to have this child if i weren’t prepared to sacrifice so many of the freedoms i’ve enjoyed for the past 34 years. it would be naive to believe that motherhood doesn’t come with frustrations, that no strain is felt, but what about the joys? i know they exist, and it’d be nice to read about those. i guess i’m one of the lucky ones who is not terribly challenged or enamoured with her work outside the home, and i’m looking forward to having a job i can believe in, work hard at, be challenged by and really put my heart and soul into. no child is born to make us happy, or unhappy for that matter. no child asks to be born. as mothers we have a real responsibility to challenge ourselves to be the best women we can be for ourselves and therefore, for our children. i agree that in life, not just motherhood, focusing on negatives is never a good or utile approach. thank you very much for pointing this out in such a well-reasoned way.

By: Wondering « Life as Lucky

Wondering « Life as Lucky — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 04:25:14 +0000

[...] I didn’t want my space here to be about that. And tonight I read this incredible post by The Happiest Mom who put my thoughts into words. She is an inspiring writer. She always [...]

By: Jennifer Margulis

Jennifer Margulis — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 05:32:25 +0000

I agree that we can choose our focus and our reality, Meagan. And it can be so powerful to CHOOSE not to vent or to choose not to dwell on the negative. I think sometimes our minds are our worst enemies. In Zen I think people call it “the story” — the story we tell ourselves that often has little to do with reality. We can change that story and have a much better time of things. I think it’s a really good thing to focus on the good and the happy. And, as this post shows, you do that in an HONEST way, without pretending perfection. I so appreciate that.

By: Pepper

Pepper — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 04:33:05 +0000

I think you are very right in a lot you say but in some ways I think that if we stopped venting on our blogs or in our lives that we may be drawing these perfect happy little lives for new mothers and struggling mothers that make it even harder for them.

A very good example of this is postpartum depression. There are not enough mom’s out there talking about their experiences. When I see another mother willing to express themselves about how hard it is how they struggled I feel like wow, I’m not the only one. And then I too can talk about my experience.

I do think what you hit on about the negativity is what really needs to stop. I’m amazed at some of the dirty mouths out there in the blogosphere now. And it’s not just that that is upsetting but how blatantly crass they are about the things they are talking about.

I think we need to share our struggles and ask for help, but I don’t think we need to be rude or completely negative to do so.

I hope this makes sense. It makes sense in my head. LOL

By: Catching Up With the More to the Core Mom Bloggers » More To The Core

Catching Up With the More to the Core Mom Bloggers » More To The Core — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 15:34:50 +0000

[...] Meagan wrote about the perils of mom venting – and how she chooses to have a happier life by focusing on the positives. [...]

By: Lindsey

Lindsey — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 16:23:44 +0000

Thank you so much for writing this.
I am engaged at this precise moment in an effort to reframe my life, to take the focus from the difficult to the joyful, and hoping that sheer force of effort will go a long way towards that.
I wrote today on my blog the following line (that a friend told me, I think it is an AA tenet): you cannot think your way to right action. so act your way to right thinking.
I’m certainly trying.
Really glad I found your blog!
Lindsey

By: Meredith

Meredith — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 03:31:16 +0000

Oh my god I need to print this out and put it on my refrigerator. I often find that when not done properly, venting just gets me more riled up. There’s venting and then there is wallowing and either way I usually just need to get on with it. Thank you for a great post.

By: Mara

Mara — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 01:49:50 +0000

I think what you are talking about is a big part of growing into motherhood. I know that before I had children I was all about venting – any problem I had went into my eyes and ears and brain and out my mouth. When I was a new mother, this was also the case. For that reason, I remember clinging to Operating Instructions like it was some kind of life raft during the first few months of my oldest son’s life.

But like you, lately, I’ve been inclined to change my tune. Although I do still kvetch to my friends (mostly in person, not on Twitter or Facebook) I don’t like to spend a lot of time writing or exploring the darker side of motherhood. In fact, I have deliberately chosen an online presence that is, if not altogether free of venting, pretty darn close to it. I wouldn’t say I’m dishonest on my blog – I mention when things don’t go well, for sure. But I don’t really spend a lot of time talking about it. And I’ve had people I know personally say things to me like “your life isn’t really like that, is it?” You know what my response is? Yes and no. While I’m not interested in being Miss Mary Sunshine, I do like focusing on the things in my life as a mom that make me happy. Because I had enough drama in my unhappy childhood and don’t really feel like passing it along. And because I’m in it for the long haul.

There’s nothing wrong with venting. I’m just not interested in it being a major way that I think about my life.