Comments on: WOHMs, WAHMs, SAHMs: who wins the “unhappiest” award?

By: Johanna England

Johanna England — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 21:07:03 +0000

Absolutely agreed. I’ve done it all as well – active duty military mom, stay at home with 3 kids under 4 mom, full time student AND working single mom, stay at home mom with 2 in school at 2 at home mom, full time student and WAH mom… you name it. Every one of these scenarios has great joys and challenges and none of them are easy in the slightest. Time for moms to stop looking into other pastures for weeds and start blooming where planted.

By: angie

angie — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 21:20:23 +0000

Hear hear, Meagan! You really have the right perspective here. If you only concentrate on how hard you have it, you’ll never be happy. Very well put!

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 16:19:36 +0000

Well said! I wish women didn't feel the need to justify their choices by playing that game. I know that women are judged no matter what choices they make and that frequently puts them in defensive mode, sparring with one another over who has it hardest. It's sad that so many women are so unhappy. Stephanie’s last blog post..Frugal Cooking- Graham Cracker Pie

By: Holly

Holly — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 04:59:07 +0000

You know, I can’t help but think that a big part of the Mommy Wars comes down to the fact that so many women are unhappy with their choices, particularly the most vocal ones. I think that there were many people we both knew online (possibly including even myself at some times) who were very loud and passionate – even obnoxious – about the side they were taking in the dreaded mommy wars, and I suspect that a lot of that was in a perhaps subconscious attempt to convince *themselves* that they were doing the right thing. The fact of the matter is that motherhood and the juggling act it entails, and all the ways it changes our identities as women, is very intense and I think many of us wish it were easier to get it all to work. Interestingly, I’ve known some women who were very militant SAHMs who have now found their way into work they find more fulfilling and recognize that they were really depressed back then, and I’ve known some equally militant WOHMs who look back now and feel sad about some of the milestones they missed. That is not to say that one choice is better than another and certainly not all women in either camp feel that way. But I do think that the ones who are the most vocal and militant in the Mommy Wars are probably also the ones who are most unhappy.

By: Erin --It's Your Movie--

Erin --It's Your Movie-- — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 04:56:13 +0000

It isn't just the WOHM v. SAHM debate. It's EVERYTHING about being a mom that ends up in competition over, sadly, who has it the worst. I sometimes think that moms resort to this argument because they simply can't believe how hard being a mom can truly be. They think everyone else MUST have it easier. Everyone wants validation. Everyone wants someone else to say, "Wow, you put up with all of that. You're amazing! You're Superwoman!" when the reality is that we are. We are all Superwomen. Women are much stronger and capable than we are generally given credit for, and we endure an awful lot because we love our kids are we are committed to doing the mom thing. Yes. All of us. Every kind of mom there is (even the celebrity with the nanny) has to wake up in the middle of the night and clean up puke and take the baby to the Urgent Care Center and fret over the right dosage of tylenol or whatever. All of us! Erin --It's Your Movie--’s last blog post..off to fetch my umbrella

By: deb

deb — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 16:10:40 +0000

oops.. deb’s last blog post..GETTING WHAT YOU NEED

By: deb

deb — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 16:09:58 +0000

ultimately this filters down to the kids… who in my opinion should live under the mostly sunny skies of a mom knowing in the core of her soul and the in the moment , on the floor together time, that the connection and love is the calling of all the work in and out and around them.

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 12:12:20 +0000

You hit the nail on the head with this paragraph: “What does it hurt you if somebody else shares that she’s having a hard day or is disenchanted with the difficulties of her situation? It doesn’t invalidate any frustrations you might be having. It doesn’t mean the other mom has won any kind of martyr award.”

It makes me crazy when women start playing the comparison game, although I am not immune. Instead of looking outward to hear a complaint for what it is and acting as an agent of support, we look inward, trying to see how her comment reflects on us. It’s a rather selfish position.

I am where I am. You are where you are. We both work hard and some days are better than others. Can we move along now? (probably not…this argument is interminable).

By: Margie

Margie — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 17:02:17 +0000

Great points, Meagan…it’s all so individual that one person’s “perfect” might be another person’s “hell on earth.”

By: fidget

fidget — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 16:25:34 +0000

i think a lot of the arguing posturing and one up-manship going on has to do with people trying to justify their choices to themselves. I think that because we as women have the opportunity to have so many rolls available to us, we tend to second guess ourselves and instead of looking inward for answers, some project outward. Also the whole martyrdom thing kicks in as though difficulty is a gauge of how right our decision was. any way you slice it, it's polarizing and exhausting. fidget’s last blog post..Why I don’t do camping