I am loving the discussion on my Mindful Monday post on delegating…with details. This comment from Emily @ Random Recycling (emphasis mine) really jumped out at me:
I find myself saying too often “it’s just easier for me to do it myself.” I am so wrong. Delegating is such an important task and I’m so glad you reminded me to do just that.
Oh boy, can I relate to this! The thing is, it usually IS easier and faster for me to do something myself…but only for today. Tomorrow I’ll have to do it myself again. And the next day and the next. I save a moment, but what do I lose?
It’s such a crippling mindset, and only hurts us in the end. It’s like the time equivalent of “pennywise and pound foolish” – minute-wise, and hour foolish. It’s what makes me resist instructing other people to do what I usually do. It’s what makes me resist creating systems to manage things better in the future. It’s what keeps me from trying new products and new technology and keep on stumbling along using “what works” instead of taking the time to explore what might work better.
Still, it’s easy to see why we fall into that trap. When every day seems like a breathless rush from activity to activity, deadline to deadline, chore to chore, it’s hard to imagine where we’ll find the time to train the kids to properly scrub a pot or organize the closet so we can find our stuff more easily in the future. But it’s so worth it, something I realize every time I set aside the time to do so and then watch how much more smoothly things run.
The trick is slowing down so that the “urgent” doesn’t keep getting in the way of the important. We can’t properly delegate in the midst of panic. As I ramp up my work life over the next month or two, I’m going to have to set aside serious time (even if it means dropping one or two things that no longer fit) to create new systems to help me and make sure the helpers in my life really understand what I need from them. It’s a time commitment, but sometimes you have to spend time to save time.
Some tricks I’m planning to try to help:
- Set aside certain times of the day or week for organizing, instructing, and creating new systems. It’s difficult for me to think about much besides writing on a Monday morning, but Wednesday at 3 PM might be the perfect time to take a look at what I’m doing, tweak, and instruct. If your routine is very fragmented, you might consider setting aside 10 minutes a day rather than a bigger block of time each week.
- Do less in general. This is something I’m always striving for, but it can’t hurt to give myself a reminder every now and then.
- Assess. Time for some serious reflection. What’s currently on my plate? Why is it all there? Are all of my activities in line with my priorities? Is there anything I can temporarily put on hold until I’ve freed up the time for it? Is there anything I need to let go of for good?
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Clearly this resonates with me
I recently had to remind myself not to tell husband he didn’t go a great job of doing the dishes because he may never do them again. While I may do a better job (who are we kidding, I DO do a better job!), letting him do the dishes allows me the quiet time to read stories to my daughter. That’s what is really important and I need to remember to ask for that time whenever I can.
Emily @ Random Recycling recently posted..A Little Love for the all important Snack
I’m not dealing with this at home a lot, because at less than two years, Baguette’s chore-completion abilities are still quite limited. But I do deal with it at work, and here’s something I’ve learned:
It’s faster to do it myself. But that doesn’t mean I should be the one doing it, or that it’s the best use of my time.
Learning that and living it, of course, are two different things.
Tragic Sandwich recently posted..5 Things I Found While I Was Looking Around
You’re right. It’s faster, but that doesn’t mean it’s smarter. And you’re so right that it’s NOT easy to live what you know logically
Guilty as charged! Just this past weekend my husband offered to clean up the kitchen while I relaxed with a glass of wine by the fire. As I took advantage of that opportunity, I watched him get all of the kids involved in loading the dishwasher, washing and drying the pots and pans, etc. And he reminded me then that I should delegate to them every night….
Yet tonight, when dinner was done, I noticed that the hour was getting late, and I sent them all upstairs to get their teeth brushed and their showers done while I cleaned up the kitchen.
When will I learn? Surely I could have held two of them back to help me in the kitchen?
I need to make a more conscious effort to do this!
My husband is better at getting the kids to do chores than I am, too! He doesn’t have the same control-freaky feeling about the house and all of its inner workings as I do. Plus, I think he tends to see the kids for what they are – capable young men – while I sometimes see them as large babies
I have also found myself saying “It’ll be easier if I just do it.” when my husband offers to do something!
Sometimes I think it will be easier, but the thing is that if I don’t give myself a break every once and a while I find myself a little more stressed out over time, and that’s not cool. So, while I may think I can do it best I know that letting others help is much easier on me!
I have to remind myself on instances in the past where I stuck with something for the kids {usually enforcing something I don’t feel like enforcing} and how, one day, it finally CLICKED.
My kids could clear the table at 3 and 4. Now at 6 and 7, we’re still tackling cleaning toilets/mirrors, but I keep to it. I made myself stand in the bathroom with them yesterday while they cleaned just so I could help and give advice.
So here’s the thing. I’m actually pretty good at delegating…but my husband pointed out yesterday that as soon as I clear something off my plate I add something new! And it’s totally true. I am about to finish a huge project at my daughters school and I’ve been looking forward to a break. But then this afternoon I arranged to participate in another project with out even thinking. I need to work on doing LESS.Thanks for this reminder.
Magen recently posted..Raising Happy Kids: Laughter
Oh, Magen…. I am so with you. Yesterday, I took an exciting step to get my own life in better “check”. But {drum roll} that also involved taking on another big project to get to that end goal (enrollment in an integrative health and nutrition program). I think some people are wired to be do-ers. In fact, I’d venture to guess that most of us busy moms are! I feel guilty simply using that extra half hour before the school bus arrives to read a book (even if everything around the house is “buttoned up”)…. and like you, if I finish a project, I usually have another waiting in the wings. The part of Meagan’s post that resonated most for me– and that I hope to improve upon in my own life– is to create a schedule. With young children’s need and managing my home to juggle, it can’t be too rigid. But just setting aside time to do X, will help me to feel accomplished (as a consummate do-er) and perhaps open up more blocks of time so I don’t feel guilty just take some time for me…. work in progress, that’s for sure. Posts like this one make it seem doable though!
eila recently posted..baked zucchini chips
I do agree Eila, some of us are hard-wired to be “doers.” I definitely fit that description. But part of being an effective “doer” is not doing EVERYTHING, I think. Knowing what you have to let go of so that you can take on that exciting new project.
So true. There are two things that help me remember to delegate:
1. If I do it all on my own I am too busy and it makes me grumpy. Not good for anybody.
2. I am raising my children to be responsible adults. It is easier to do it on my own but it is good for my children to learn!
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